


I need more affection than you know

by Fireborn



Series: my sanctuary [4]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: (but some minor switchy vibes cos let's be real they will switch eventually), Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Clothed Sex, Condoms, Demisexual Riku, Established Relationship, First Time, Grinding, Hand Jobs, M/M, Making Out, Multiple Orgasms, Porn with Feelings, Post-Coital Cuddling, Riku has a lot of feelings, Sora is very supportive, bottom!riku, porn with a little plot, possible minor second-hand embarrassment, sexual awakening, soft boys in love, top!Sora
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-02-07 23:15:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21466135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fireborn/pseuds/Fireborn
Summary: They slid under the covers, both of them on their stomachs with just a few inches between them. The book with the unambivalent title 'Sex for Guys' was lying unopened against the pillow, and Sora illuminated the cover with the flashlight.Riku's breath was coming a little faster because this was already scarier and more private than he had anticipated.“Turn to page 86,” Sora said.Riku's heart skipped a beat at the sudden apprehension in his stomach. “Why me?”“Because I'm holding the flashlight,” Sora said, shifting so he was pressed even closer against Riku’s side. The warm weight was comforting and gave Riku the courage to reach out and touch the book.Or: 14k of demi!Riku's thoughts and feelings over being sexually active. With bonus smut ;)(Although this is marked as part 4 in the series, it can also be read as a standalone story.)
Relationships: Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts)
Series: my sanctuary [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1474142
Comments: 37
Kudos: 248





	I need more affection than you know

**Author's Note:**

> I guess there's a few more lines from "my sanctuary" I can keep using as fic titles for this verse ;) 
> 
> The idea of demisexual Riku has taken me by the throat and won't let me go. So I wrote 14k of his thoughts and emotions over being sexually active and his and Sora's eventual first time. This fic is very dear to me, and it was an emotional journey to write this! I hope you'll enjoy reading it. 
> 
> Once again, I think this can be read as a standalone story, though it follows the events and Riku's thought processes from [In you and I there's a new land](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20686514), so if you haven't read that yet, I would recommend that you read that first!
> 
> As always, thanks go to [greeneggs101](https://archiveofourown.org/users/greeneggs101/pseuds/greeneggs101) for the beta!

One day, a few weeks after that rainy afternoon that was still very, very fresh in Riku's mind, he and Sora rowed over to the main island for errands. Nothing out of the ordinary, just their weekly groceries and a new comic book for Sora.

Riku knew something strange was up when, after their trip to the supermarket, Sora stopped him with a hand against his chest in front of the bookstore.

“Maybe you should wait outside? I’ll be right back,” he muttered, his cheeks just a little more pink than usual, his eyes meeting Riku’s for only a brief second before his gaze flicked down to the sidewalk.

Riku blinked. “Uhm…”

“It’s not that I don’t want you to come in with me!” Sora rushed to add. “It’s just… Maybe you could watch the groceries?”

Riku blinked again, looking down to where he'd put down the shopping bags. “Sora, the groceries aren’t going…anywhere.”

Sora groaned a little, and Riku had just enough time to look back up before Sora slipped both of his hands in Riku’s hair and tugged his head down for a kiss that left him dizzy and more than a little breathless. When Sora pulled away, he kept one hand in Riku's hair, twirling a strand around his finger as he gave Riku that familiar puppy look.

“They might,” Sora said as he pouted a little, his eyes going soft. “It would be just our luck if some hungry Heartless were to walk by during the three minutes I was inside the store.”

Riku snorted and rolled his eyes because there hadn't been a Heartless on the Destiny Islands in years, and the chances of one appearing in the next five minutes were probably 0.000001%. But he relented because this seemed to be important to Sora. “Fine.”

“Thanks, Riku!” Sora beamed before darting into the store while Riku sighed and leaned sideways against the shop window.

Sora had lied. It took him seven minutes to get back out, the comic held tightly in a paper bag in both hands. 

Nine months after the war, Riku had gotten a lot better at being apart from Sora without silently counting in his head. He went to work on the new Destiny Islands cable cars two or three days a week for 6 hours, while Sora spent most of those days volunteering at the Destiny Islands animal shelter. And they managed to be apart for that long most times. 

But there were occasions when the separation anxiety reared its head again. He knew Sora had those times as well, was sometimes still a little skittish whenever they'd been apart for longer than a few moments. Riku had taken off from work on more than one occasion after Sora called him, his voice too high and his breathing too loud; Riku was lucky to have an understanding supervisor. But those times, too, were getting few and far between. 

“I'm back,” Sora said, startling Riku out of his mental counting. 

Sora's voice sounded just slightly…off, though Riku couldn't really determine what was different about it. A little too nervous, a little high-pitched, maybe? But what would Sora have to be nervous about?

While Riku carried the groceries back to their boat, Sora kept the bag clutched against his chest, a pensive expression on his face as his thoughts were obviously miles away.

“Must be a good comic book,” Riku remarked with a sideways glance, and he narrowed his eyes minutely when Sora blushed.

“A very good comic book,” Sora said softly, as he pointedly didn't look at Riku.

“What’s it about?” Riku asked, his eyes still narrowed. There was something off about Sora, and he hated that he couldn't put his finger on it.

“Oh,” Sora said, shaking his head minutely before swallowing visibly. “Uhm, just the usual. Boy and girl save the world by outsmarting the enemy. And there's a lot of robots.”

Riku stared a little longer, but Sora sank back into that peculiar, introspective silence that Riku hadn't seen him slip into for months now. Yet after a moment, Riku realised this was _different_ because even though Sora was clearly in a world of his own, there was a tiny smile ghosting across his lips, and his eyes were twinkling, so clearly he wasn't _sad_. Riku just couldn't really figure it out. Sora's very _step_ seemed lighter, as if he was floating instead of walking.

It wasn't that Riku _minded_ Sora having secrets, it was more the fact that Sora was clearly so bad at keeping them. Riku couldn't help but be curious.

After getting home, Sora seemed to go about their usual routine: placing his comic on the table and helping Riku put the groceries away. Riku frowned when Sora moved slower than usual, so distracted that he put the eggs on the wrong shelf of the fridge and then put the peanut butter and the salt next to it.

Riku stared at him, but Sora didn't even acknowledge him, not until Riku grabbed the peanut butter jar from his hand.

“You're hopeless,” Riku said with a fond little smile, shaking his head. “Go read your _comic_.”

Sora seemed to snap out of whatever daze he was in, and his eyes darted to Riku's. “What?”

Riku reached out to stroke his fingers over Sora's flushed cheeks, and where he’d expected Sora to just stare at him, instead Sora surprised him yet again by reaching his arms up to wrap around Riku’s neck and pull him into a kiss that he deepened almost immediately.

Sora tasted like apples and cinnamon, and he smelled like bookstore, and as always, Riku lost himself to the feel of Sora’s lithe body pressed warmly against his. Sora’s tongue slid against his so easily, silky soft and wet, and Riku didn't try at all to stop the moan that threatened to escape him at the impromptu make-out session. Sora licked the sound from his mouth in much the same way he always absorbed all of Riku's overwhelming emotions — every insecurity and worry — then moaned in return. 

Riku spun them around to press Sora into the kitchen counter. That broke the kiss for a second, Sora panting hotly against him, his eyes dark, his lips curled into a little _smirk_, and Riku would _die_ for that smirk, wanted to see it on Sora's face as often as he could. He leaned in again, and they shared a few more kisses — each one a little slower, a little deeper — as Sora melted against Riku.

There was the promise of _more_ here, something Riku had really come to appreciate over the past few weeks. Kissing had turned into a _game, _a dance along a fine line, a _will we or won't we_. It was exciting. The _will we_ didn't happen all _that_ often, but whenever Sora got like this, the chances of something happening were about…sixty percent, Riku had mentally calculated. 

But before Riku could let his thoughts wander there completely, Sora pulled away and ducked out from underneath his arm. With a wide grin, he snatched the paper bag from the table.

“Thanks, Riku!”

  
  
  
  


Over the next week, Sora snuck away every morning after breakfast, and most afternoons too, muttering things about gathering coconuts and needing to check if the boat was tied up.

Riku just rolled his eyes, because who did Sora think he was fooling when he came back home after two hours with just one coconut in his backpack? Or after an hour pretending to tie up a boat that Riku knew full well he had tied up _perfectly_?

He didn't mind. He wasn't even _worried_, because Sora always came back with a dopey grin on his face, and Riku did not once mentally count the minutes while he was gone.

But while he wanted to give Sora the space he so obviously craved, he couldn't help but be curious. What exactly was that comic that Sora had bought? Though Riku very much doubted it was even a comic… But whatever it was, Sora must have _finished _it by now?

Luckily for Riku, Sora was never very good at keeping secrets for long. Really, it was a surprise he managed to hold out for an entire week.

It happened one lazy afternoon when they were cuddled together on the couch, Sora's head in Riku's lap, Riku absentmindedly stroking through his hair while he pretended to watch the movie on tv. Sora didn't like watching action movies these days, the loud sounds and emotional drama still a little too overwhelming, hitting just a little too close to home. But ever since they got together, Sora had developed a fascination for romantic comedies. He loved to sympathise with the poor main characters and all the obstacles they had to overcome to ultimately find true love and their happy ever after.

Not today, though. Today, Sora wasn't even pretending to watch the movie. He tossed his head from tv to ceiling, tugged his legs into his chest before sprawling them out again. He reached up to play with the fingers of Riku's hand that were splayed out on Sora's chest. He sighed deeply at least a dozen times, his eyes staring up unseeingly at the ceiling.

Riku supposed it was a miracle that Sora let him watch the entire movie. When the end credits started rolling, he turned his attention to Sora.

“So,” Riku prompted.

“So what?” Sora asked.

“What's on your mind?”

“How do you know something's on my mind?” Sora asked with a tiny frown that grew into a full-on pout as Riku started laughing.

“Honestly? I think I got a hunch sometime after the sixth sigh.”

Sora curled onto his side, shifting his body to draw up his legs and press even closer to Riku.

“Okay, there is…” Sora closed his eyes. “Something.”

“Okay,” Riku reached out a hand to brush the bangs back from Sora's forehead. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

“I know,” Sora whispered into Riku's thigh, his breath hot even with the layer of Riku's sweatpants between them. “It's just…”

“Yes?”

“Haveyoueverthoughtabouthavingsex?”

It took a few long seconds for the jumble of words to register. 

Then Riku winced slightly. 

“I'm sorry,” Sora added immediately, turning his head and opening his eyes, unconcealed trepidation on his face. “I shouldn't have said anything.”

But the damage was done, so to speak. Riku felt his entire face heat up, and suddenly he wished _he_ were the one with his head in _Sora's_ lap, so he could turn to hide his face against something.

As it was, Sora was staring up at him, blinking too fast. Riku looked back at those bright azure ocean eyes, and it wasn't — _awkward _per se, but… Riku sighed.

It was _definitely_ awkward.

He _had _thought about sex, to be honest, although not really in a lot of detail. Mostly in an abstract way; it was something he knew _other_ people were into.

But at the same time, Riku really liked it when Sora…did things. Even when it had been Sora who had initiated every single time they had gone beyond kissing.

Not that Riku didn't _want _to go further than kissing. He often thought back to every time they'd…touched each other intimately. But it was, essentially, that he also really liked the _anticipation_, the promise of _maybe, _the slide of kisses growing a little deeper and caressing warm, bare skin without a real end goal in mind. It made something flutter fiercely in his chest, and he loved that most of all.

Although… He had to admit… Crossing that line was very nice, too.

What they'd done so far was mostly just rubbing against each other with their clothes still on, hips stuttering together uncontrollably, hands and kisses steadily growing a little more frantic. But a few times, Sora had slowed down enough to pull away and ask if he could _touch_ Riku. 

The first time that happened, Riku's heart shot into his throat in 0.2 seconds.

His first instinctual mental response was a firm ‘no, _why_?’. But then he opened his eyes to Sora biting his lip, his eyes soft and wide like a deer caught in the headlights. And though the idea made Riku more nervous than he'd _ever_ been in his life, he could tell this would mean a _lot_ to Sora, and really, how scary could it be? So his second mental response was ‘mmm, maybe’?

“If you touch me…” Riku closed his eyes.

Sora hummed softly.

“I don't wanna take my clothes off.”

“Of course,” the smile in Sora's voice was obvious. 

“Is that weird?” Riku whispered, his voice barely audible.

Warm, gentle hands cupped his cheek, and Riku felt Sora lean in for a brief closed-mouthed kiss. Riku's eyes fluttered open, because he wanted to _see_ Sora again, Sora's confidence and determination at all the right moments made him feel brave, too.

“No, it’s not weird,” Sora said between kisses. “It's very you.”

Riku wasn't really sure what that meant, but he decided not to overthink it right now. “Then. Okay.”

Riku's stomach turned at the words, at the very _idea _of what was going to happen. The apprehension was almost too much, but Sora was so, so gentle. Riku forgot to even tense up when the next moment Sora was kissing him again, licking against his lips as his hands slid down over Riku's shoulders, his sides, inch by inch. Riku felt the last bit of tension and fear flow out of him with every tender and vulnerable touch.

Then Sora took Riku's right hand in his left and laced their fingers together. Vaguely, Riku realised he was shaking, but it was okay, he trusted Sora, and already the heat in his stomach was so much it was _burning_, he wanted— _Something_.

Then Sora slid one hand into his shorts, and Riku hadn't really thought of what was going to happen, what it would feel like, what he should _do_, but it was like his body just responded on its own as Sora's warm, sure fingers touched him without a layer of clothes between them. His hips jerked, his head dropped back, and a stuttering moan left his lungs. He grabbed Sora's hand so hard it must hurt, but he was too far gone to care.

“Sora,” he tried to say, but it came out like a low moan, one which he vaguely heard Sora echo.

Sora picked up the pace, and it was all Riku could do to keep breathing, to stay in the moment, because this was the most intense thing he'd _ever_ experienced.

It didn't take long for the uncontrollable burn in his stomach to intensify, and then not a few firm, hot strokes later his world imploded, and it was the best thing he'd ever felt. The sparks behind his eyelids, the fire in his veins, the way every muscle in his body went taut and quivered and then…went slack. And afterwards, as he slowly started to become aware of his surroundings, he fought to open his eyes because— _Sora_.

Sora was hovering, smiling brightly, fondly, and Riku let go of his hand so he could hug him. He pulled him down, crushing them together in a warm, comfortable embrace because he needed to bury his face in Sora's shoulder to hide his tears, needed the way Sora's arms around him always made him feel _safe_.

What just happened… Having someone else touch him like that was probably the most intimate feeling of all.

Riku decided right then that he liked that.

But sex — real sex — was… something else entirely, and it wasn't really something he had ever considered _himself _doing.

“I don't know if I’ve thought about…” He trailed off, unable to say the word 'sex'. He wasn't sure if Sora still wanted an answer to the original question, but either way, this probably wasn't the answer Sora had hoped for.

“Oh,” Sora said softly. 

Then Sora scrambled off his lap and into a seated position on the couch next to Riku, his legs folded underneath him. 

“That's okay!” Sora said quickly. “I like what we do, a lot! I like— Touching you, and I like it when you tug me against you and let me— It feels really good!”

Riku nodded. It did. It felt good, and he remembered every time with a heated tingle from his toes to his ears.

“Riku, I only wanna do what you're comfortable with, always.”

Sora wrapped his arms around Riku's shoulders, throwing himself forwards into Riku's lap, pressing their bodies together in a comforting embrace. 

And somehow, those heartfelt, reassuring words gave Riku the courage to begin to turn the idea over in his head. Sex, _real _sex… Why had he never thought of it before? Was that weird?

The concept was a little scary, but also — now that the idea had been planted in his mind — just a little intriguing. Suddenly, there was the fact that this was something they could _do_.

“What…” Riku tried. “What made you think of this?” 

Sora clung to him tighter and pressed warm, wet lips to his neck in an open-mouthed kiss. Riku shivered, his eyes slipping closed. Sora pulled away just a little to nuzzle the skin below his ear instead.

“The book I bought wasn't a comic. It was a book on...” Sora trailed off, tightening his arms around Riku. “Sex?”

_Ah_, Riku thought, the seed of intrigue now well and properly planted.

“But it's okay!” Sora rushed to add. “If you don't wanna do it, we won't do it.”

Those words made something warm and fuzzy settle in his chest, which was nice. He wasn't sure if it was that, or Sora's solid warm weight against him, or maybe that little seed of intrigue that had taken root and had started to bloom already… But when his breathing had calmed down a little, he tried to give shape to the thoughts in his mind.

Now that the idea was out in the open… Was he interested in having…sex? Sora's thumb was stroking his neck, over his pulse point, and both their heart rates were still up. He could feel Sora's heart racing against his own chest, and…yeah. Okay. He was interested, maybe.

Around a painfully dry throat, he whispered, “How about we look at the book, first?”

Sora pulled back to beam at him, his cheeks pink and his eyes intense and sparkling. Riku cupped his face to kiss him because he couldn't help himself. It was supposed to be brief and chaste, but Sora whimpered a little, and that made Riku linger and open his mouth, which Sora took immediate advantage of.

It was a long time before they left the couch.

  
  
  
  


Riku didn't want to look at the book in _daylight_; it didn't feel right, so they waited until bedtime. There was a giddy sort of energy between them and when cooking dinner, Sora was unusually clingy and needy, leaning in for no less than fourteen kisses.

Riku didn't mind, of course. He loved every single kiss, and also this feeling between them was…thrilling. He liked it.

That night, Sora grabbed his book while Riku rummaged around in the drawer of the nightstand for a flashlight with the butterflies moving around wildly his stomach. They gave each other little grins, and Riku felt jittery, like they were about to share a big secret together. 

They slid under the covers, both of them on their stomachs with just a few inches between them. The book with the unambivalent title 'Sex for Guys' was lying unopened against the pillow, and Sora illuminated the cover with the flashlight.

Riku's breath was coming a little faster because this was already scarier and more private than he had anticipated.

“I read it entirely,” Sora whispered, and maybe it _was_ a secret because Riku definitely didn't want anyone else to know about this. “Because I was curious. Even the parts that weren't particularly…relevant. But the best part was the chapter on anal sex.”

“The best part was the chapter on…” Riku repeated, swallowing almost painfully against a dry throat. He and Sora really were about to read a chapter on… He couldn't even _say_ it. 

Sora giggled softly. He had the flashlight in one hand and the other arm curled around Riku's back. 

“I read it…a lot of times?”

“I'm not surprised,” Riku exhaled. It certainly explained why Sora had spent so much time around the island the past week.

“Turn to page 86,” Sora said.

Riku's heart skipped a beat at the sudden apprehension in his stomach. “Why me?”

“Because I'm holding the flashlight,” Sora said, shifting so he was pressed even closer against Riku’s side. The warm weight was comforting and gave Riku the courage to reach out and touch the book.

He was a little surprised to find his hand shaking as he quickly browsed to the page Sora had mentioned. With the book propped open against the pillow, Riku stared, wide-eyed, at the picture of two young men holding hands and looking at each other. 

This was…interesting. 

“Okay,” Sora whispered. “The first pages just explain what being gay means. But we already know that.”

“Why are you whispering?” Riku replied just as softly. 

“You're whispering, too,” Sora said, a little louder, and Riku grinned at the note of petulance there. Sora always was so easy to rile up.

“Only cause you are.”

It was nice though, whispering. It reminded Riku of all the times that they'd slept over at each other's houses, hiding underneath the covers, sometimes talking for hours, sometimes playing riddle games, sometimes making up stories about princes and dragons and other worlds they'd one day travel to. But always they'd be whispering for fear of being found out and told to sleep — or worse, told that they couldn't sleep over anymore. That had never happened, but still, the whispering was nice. Intimate. 

Sora had moved his arm so his palm was now warm between Riku's shoulder blades, and it sent an exciting tingle down Riku's spine. 

“Anyway,” Sora said, still whispering. “It says there's a lot of things boys can and should do together before doing it. Sex, I mean.”

Riku felt his cheeks heat up a little at the words. The word 'sex' always made him a little flustered. He never knew what to say when it was brought up. He used to think that was because the boys in school were talking about _girls_, but now even thinking about sex between two boys made him feel flustered.

“A lot of teens who become sexually active do other things first. Like frottage.”

“Frottage?” Riku let slip despite his embarrassment, and he tensed up.

Sora let out a giggle, but the sound was soft and gentle; there was no judgment there. Riku relaxed again. “It means… It means what we did the first time. Just…rubbing together.”

“Oh,” Riku said. “I like that.”

Sora giggled again, bumping his shoulder against Riku's. “Me too.”

The heat between their bodies was really overwhelming, and Riku shivered as he thought back to their first time, and all the times they'd done that — _frottage_ — after. 

The soft press of their bodies, the unspoken promise of _more._ The jittery way his stomach turned when their hips came together, the little moaning sounds that Sora made. The tell-tale tingle in his spine, the rush of the moment when he realised that he couldn't stop his orgasm. 

And in return, the look on Sora's face when he trembled and moaned above him. 

The way Sora would look at him afterwards, full of wonder and affection, the _connection_ between them when they were both at their most vulnerable. He loved that, most of all.

Sora's hand started rubbing little circles across his back, and that brought him back into the moment. He turned his head ever so slightly, looking sideways from behind a curtain of silver hair. Sora was smiling at him, soft and encouraging.

“Are you okay?” Sora asked gently.

Riku nodded. Having Sora so close and warm was _always_ okay.

And while just thinking about the sexual things they'd done together and talking about it like this was…overwhelming, it wasn't really overwhelming in a bad way.

“I'm okay,” Riku replied.

“Okay.” Sora's smile grew, turned just a little bit into a smirk. “And then, after the frottage, you can do things like…touch each other…”

Riku felt his cheeks flush, and he wondered if Sora could see it in the dim light. He remembered the few times Sora had slipped a hand into his pants, how the skin on skin contact had been _so_ intense, how much Sora seemed to enjoy doing this for him. How the slide to the point of no return had been that much faster, how impossible it was to think, to breathe like that.

The contented feeling that spread throughout his whole body afterwards.

“Or you can do things with your mouth.”

Riku nodded slowly, involuntarily shifting a little closer to Sora, and he was acutely aware of all of the parts of their bodies that were touching: their hips, Sora's arm against his back, Sora's warm, gentle hand between his shoulder blades.

He exhaled shakily, unable to stop his breathing from coming even faster.

“It says when you're gay, it's even easier to do these things together. Because with another guy, it's easier to know what feels nice.”

Sora giggled again and leaned in the final inch so their foreheads were pressed together.

“And the book says that you should always check in with your partner if they still like what you're doing. It says that that's important.”

Riku licked his dry lips, and he didn't miss the way Sora's eyes flicked down and then back up again. Sora wasn't smirking anymore, his face was slack, a mix of earnestness and curiosity.

“You'll tell me, right?” Sora asked. “If something doesn't feel good?”

A rush of affection swept over Riku, a tidal wave of fondness at the fragile worry in Sora's voice. _I love you so, so much_, he thought, but he was speechless, blinking back the sudden tears in his eyes.

“Riku?”

He nodded, and of course Sora understood, he always did. He kissed Riku, a desperate press of closed lips, noses bumping together, and Sora dropped the flashlight so they were left in the dark with just feeling and hearing each other. It amplified the intimacy of the moment, and Riku felt himself smile.

Maybe they could try this sex thing. There had to be a reason why people liked it, right? He liked all the other things they'd done together as well, this would just be…the same, only a little _more_. And if there was anyone he wanted to try it with, it would be _Sora_.

Sora pulled away, and he felt Sora's little gasps for air, warm and gushing against his chin.

“I love you,” Riku whispered, rough and low, and he felt Sora shiver against him.

“I love you more,” Sora said, grinning as their mouths came together again in the dark, a little longer, a little deeper now. Tongues gently brushing against each other, and the fire in Riku's stomach built higher, a combination of nerves and anticipation.

He pulled back, trying to get his thoughts and his breathing back under control while Sora scrambled to find the discarded flashlight where it had slipped beneath the pillow. Their blanket cocoon was illuminated once more in a soft, yellow glow once he found it.

“So what happens after touching each other, and doing things with your mouth?” Riku asked over the sound of the blood rushing inside of his ears.

Sora grinned again, turning back to the book. He flipped a few pages with the hand that was still holding the flashlight. “Then you could try anal sex if both partners want to. The book says…”

Sora handed the flashlight to Riku, so he had his hand free to point at the page, moving his finger along with the lines as he read out loud. “Anal sex feels good because there are many sensitive nerve endings in and around the anus.”

“Oh,” Riku said, turning back towards the book. He had the urge to cover his face with his hands while he stared at the picture of an erect penis.

“Also, it stimulates the prostate, and that's supposed to feel great,” Sora added thoughtfully. “Before we do it though, we need to buy condoms and lube. And we have to decide who does what.”

“Who…does what?” Riku gripped the flashlight a little harder.

Sora flipped the page and pointed towards a picture two guys, faced towards each other. One of them was on his back, legs wrapped around the waist of the other guy. Riku felt his eyes widen and he almost dropped the flashlight in shock.

_Oooooohhhh_.

They were both boys. Of course. How had he not considered this before?

“Oh,” he said, just to vocalise his surprise. “I feel…stupid…”

“No,” Sora said, turning his head towards Riku again. “No feeling stupid allowed.”

With effort, Riku turned his head. Sora was blushing, which weirdly made him feel a little better. Then Sora's hand started rubbing little circles again, and Riku felt himself relax once more.

He looked back towards the page. All of a sudden, he knew what he wanted, but…

“It's okay,” Sora said softly. “Whatever you want, it's okay.”

“I want you to…” Riku took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “I want you to do it.”

Sora shifted then, so he could wrap both his arms around Riku's shoulders, and Riku sagged against him in relief, glad for the chance to bury his face against Sora's neck.

“It's okay,” Sora whispered, rolling them over so he was on top of Riku. Both the book and the flashlight were forgotten in their safe cocoon of darkness. “We can wait. We don't have to do it if you're not one hundred percent sure.”

Riku's arms tightened around Sora, breathing in deeply to let himself be overwhelmed by Sora's tangy smell, Sora's hand sliding firmly in his hair, every part of their bodies connected securely and pleasantly.

They held each other for a very, very long time. If it hadn't been for Sora's hand gently toying with his hair, Riku would have thought Sora had fallen asleep. Long moment after long moment, he felt himself come down from whatever anxious feeling had overcome him.

“Okay,” Sora whispered eventually. “It's okay.”

“I think…” Riku relaxed a little, opening his legs a little wider so Sora could lie between them more comfortably. “I think I want to think about it a little more.”

“Of course,” Sora nodded against him. “Whatever you want. We both have to be sure. And if you don't wanna do it, we won't do it, okay?”

“Okay.”

Sora shifted to make himself more comfortable, sighing deeply. “I love you. I love you so much.”

Riku felt himself melt into the mattress at those words, Sora's patience and understanding making him feel warm and safe in ways he couldn't put into words. But he didn't have to voice it, because Sora would know, Sora always _knew_. 

Also, judging by the way Sora went slack against him, he'd fallen asleep.

  
  
  


Unsurprisingly, Riku was unable to get the secret, private conversation underneath the covers out of his head.

He could tell Sora was still thinking about it, too, though neither of them brought it up over the next few days. But it was exciting, the blossoming idea in his head, and every time they kissed, his thoughts jumped to what it would be like to do _more_.

He borrowed Sora's book and did what Sora had done, sneaking off alone to their spot by the lake to read the chapter titled ‘Anal sex'. And now he had sentences in his head like:

_“A good way to prepare for anal intercourse is to put lube on the fingers and stroke your partner's anus. Then slide a finger into the anus using lots of lube.”_

The first time he read that line, he had slammed the book shut so fast the thud startled him. His eyes shot up to the flying mallards, and he stared unseeingly at their flapping wings as they chased each other through the sky. His thoughts were going in every direction, even while his body was frozen. This was all…a _lot._

But every day, he found the idea a little less terrifying. His thoughts didn't come to a grinding halt anymore whenever they jumped to the idea of a box of condoms, a bottle of lube, or Sora putting his fingers…_there_.

He tried reading the chapter again.

_“When the person being penetrated feels ready and is as relaxed as possible, very slowly insert the penis.”_

Soon, the entire chapter was etched into Riku's brain, and he couldn't unread the sentences now. But strangely enough, he found he also didn't particularly want to.

It was good to be prepared, right?

And every smile he and Sora shared, every conversation about intimacy, every touch started carrying the promise of _maybe_.

At night, Sora would touch him, gently, patiently, listening for his every cue. But that made it feel even better, and the heat between them grew beyond what Riku had ever felt, and the thrill and the promise of _more, maybe, someday_, heightened his every emotion.

That Saturday, when on their weekly grocery run, they stopped by the drug store for painkillers and toothpaste. With a side-glance at Sora, Riku wandered away to the aisle where he knew they kept the condoms and the lube.

With half of his attention on where Sora was throwing whatever he needed in the shopping basket, Riku turned his gaze to the shelves in front of him. There were a lot of different packages of lube. Some of them looked nice and simple; there were elegant black and blue and red boxes. Some looked more flashy, and some were marked for ‘extra pleasure’. 

Why were there so many types? The book had just said they would need lube, it never specified which _brand_ or which _type_...

He turned his gaze towards the shelf below the lube, to the neat little row of boxes with condoms. Those, too, came in a myriad of types. Some of them had weird flavours, Riku noticed, and why would you want _flavours_ on a condom? He couldn't imagine anything would ever taste good mixed with _rubber_. What was wrong with just normal, everyday condoms? Why did companies insist on all of these choices? As if buying lube and condoms wasn't already hard enough without making you think of all the confusing different options…

He was so distracted for a moment that he almost missed it when Sora made his way over to the cash register. He shook himself, and quickly stepped away and turned around so he could pretend he’d been looking something else, _anything_ else, instead. Brightly coloured bottles of multivitamins. Those were safe.

But after they left the store, Riku couldn't stop thinking about what he'd seen.

If Sora noticed he was a little distracted, he didn't comment on it, though he did get into Riku's personal space more often than he usually did these days. He hovered when Riku was making tea that afternoon, and he lay across Riku's lap when Riku settled down on the couch to read. 

Riku didn't mind. He could hold his fantasy novel with one hand and stroke through Sora's hair with the other. That was nice. It was even nicer when Sora closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, and if Sora had been a cat, Riku pictured he would've been purring. Instead, Sora just elicited pleased little sighs and hums.

After they went to bed, Sora clung to him for long moments while Riku breathed and sifted through his racing thoughts. Maybe he _did_ want to try what it would be like, with Sora… He trusted Sora with his _life_, he would trust him with this. 

That is, if he ever managed to figure out to the type of condoms and lube to buy.

When Sora rolled them over so he was on top, and slowly rolled his hips down against Riku's, a thought suddenly popped into Riku's head. There was something he'd never done for Sora before…

Sora moved against him for a few minutes, just slowly and lazily. Riku grabbed Sora's hips, not to guide him but just to _feel_ him. But when Sora bent down to kiss him, Sora's kisses were slow, too, and somehow, this didn't feel like how it was supposed to be… And he wanted— 

Riku rolled them over, and Sora moaned softly, his body going completely slack and pliant underneath him. Riku kissed him, deep and hot and wet, and Sora mewled into his mouth, which spurred him on.

He broke the kiss to sit back, admiring the view in front of him. Sora had dropped his hands to fist the sheets, and his hips were moving up in little jerks, almost as if he couldn't control his own body.

“Riku…” he whispered, and his eyes were wide and dark.

Riku swallowed. He didn't know what had changed, but suddenly the thought of touching Sora — _really_ touching Sora — wasn't so scary anymore. He moved his hands across Sora's shirt, slowly tracing the soft cotton over his chest, pausing over Sora's nipples to revel in the little _ahhh_ noise Sora gasped out. Sora squirmed when he brushed the hands down across his sides because Sora was always a little ticklish there. 

When Riku rested his hands on Sora's hips, slowly slipping them underneath the fabric against soft skin, he glanced up again. Sora had gone still, even his hips had stopped moving.

“Is this okay?” Riku said softly.

Sora nodded frantically. Riku noticed Sora's breath was coming out a little too fast, and his cheeks were definitely flushed now. Sora always looked good, but like this, just for _him_, he looked ethereal.

He let his hands wander across Sora’s stomach, the skin there so _warm_, almost hot to the touch. He spread his fingers, just resting his hands there to feel the rapid rise and fall of Sora’s breathing. 

After long minutes of this, Sora started to squirm again.

“Riku, please…”

He knew what Sora wanted, and suddenly it felt like the most important thing in the world to give it to him. Agonisingly slowly, he inched his hands to the waistline of Sora's boxers. He paused there, glancing up.

“Yes,” Sora breathed. His hands gripped the sheets tighter.

Riku lifted one of his hands to press flat against the bulge in Sora's boxers and in response, Sora jerked his hips up with a needy keen.

Suddenly Riku was very, very turned on, and right then he completely understood why Sora liked doing this for him. It was _amazing_, having this kind of…_power_ over someone. 

He grinned.

“Riku, stop tea— _Ah—_” Riku pressed his hand down, rubbing a little across the very visible bulge, and Sora broke off in an almost-sob, pressing his eyes closed. Through the fabric, Riku could feel the wet precum as he traced the outline of Sora through his boxers. He rubbed his thumb back and forth underneath the head, spreading the wetness around into a bigger spot. Sora arched his back, this time with a full sob as he threw his head back into the pillow.

He was panting little _ah, ah, ah_ noises in time with Riku's rubbing motions, and Riku watched, wide-eyed, as Sora fell apart piece by glorious piece.

He did this. He made Sora feel like this.

He remembered what it felt like when Sora did this for him, how _amazing_ it was every time — his stomach alight with nerves and want and desperation — and he wanted to make Sora feel just as good. He removed his hand from Sora's crotch, and Sora whined at the loss, but his eyes shot back open as Riku put his hands on the waistband of his boxers again.

Riku paused to take him in. “Can I…”

“Yes,” Sora's voice was deep and his breath stuttered as he tried to say more but failed. He closed his eyes again, arching his back even further. “_Yes_.”

Inch by tantalising inch, Riku pulled down Sora's boxers, his heart in his throat. Sora raised his hips to help him, and then when Riku wasn't pulling them down fast enough, he lifted his hands from the sheets to cover Riku's, pushing his hands and the boxers down faster, then completely off him. Riku's face was burning just as much as Sora's now, possibly more. He realised with a start he'd never seen Sora's cock before. During everything they'd done so far, Sora had kept his clothes on.

It felt like their first time all over again.

But this time, Riku felt more in control.

The boxers discarded, he returned his attention to Sora, hard and leaking precum onto his stomach now. He reached out to trace his index finger across the tiny puddle on Sora's skin, then brought his finger to his mouth to taste. He locked gazes with Sora, and Sora's eyes grew impossibly wide as Riku sucked his finger into his mouth. The taste wasn't…bad, a little salty, a little bitter. It was weird.

Sora moaned, jerking his hips up again to indicate his very obvious intention.

Riku felt his lips curl up into a smirk and watched as Sora’s eyes grew darker still.

Then he reached out and gently traced his fingers across the underside of Sora’s cock. Sora's hands shot back to grasp at the sheets again.

“Oooohhhhh,” Sora exhaled, and he shivered all over.

And suddenly Riku wanted to _feel_ him, so he leaned down to press himself against Sora's body, just off to the side so he could wrap his hand more firmly around Sora and started to stroke in earnest. He was going slowly — too slowly, clearly, by the way Sora was trying to push his hips up, although now that Riku was pinning him back into the bed with his body, Sora could only really move about an inch. Every stroke made Sora squirm below him, and every twitch sent a jolt of pleasure through Riku. He shifted to rub against Sora's hip in order to relieve some of the pressure in his own gut.

Riku moved his head so he could lick and nip at Sora's neck, and he felt Sora's pulse below his lips and tongue, wild and erratic like the wings of a butterfly in the autumn winds. 

“Riku, Riku,” Sora moaned, but the word — his _name_ — broke off into little breathy noises every time.

Riku didn't think he'd ever been so turned on in his life. And Sora wasn't even _touching_ him, was so lost in his own pleasure, but somehow _that_ turned Riku on even more. The idea that he could make Sora forget everything around him like this.

He sped up his strokes, settling into a rhythm. He remembered what Sora had done to him, how _good_ that had felt, and every few strokes he'd give several quick little strokes to the tip, revelling in the way that made Sora shake underneath him. 

The precum that was now continuously oozing from the tip made his hand slick and made his movements even smoother. Sora's breathing was as irregular as his pulse, and he was snapping his hips up in time with Riku's hand movements.

Riku continued sucking on Sora's pulse point, loved the feel, the _intimacy_ of it, and judging by the sounds Sora was making he didn't mind. Even if there would be a mark tomorrow.

He had felt Sora fall apart against him before — when they were moving against each other, sometimes slow, sometimes a little more frantic. But this was different. This was more intimate, still. He was _touching_ Sora, and Sora was really, _really_ enjoying this…

A surge of something — pride, arousal, _love_ — rushed through his chest and he moaned into Sora's neck.

He felt more precum slicking his hand, and the wet sounds of his strokes mingled with their gasps and heavy breathing.

“Sora…” he whispered, and Sora moaned in response. “Sora, let me… Let me feel…”

He started stroking even faster now, knowing Sora was close, he'd just need...

“Riku, I'm—” Sora bucked up below him.

“Yes… Sora… Please...” he moaned.

And then he felt Sora's entire body tense, muscles twitching spastically as pleasure engulfed him, and he pressed up one final time into Riku's hand. Riku kept stroking, unable to stop while he felt Sora fall apart, felt Sora shuddering and moving below him (Sora could never keep still, especially not during his orgasms) and it was the _best_ thing he’d ever felt. 

He’d been so wrapped up in Sora’s pleasure that he’d all but forgotten his own, but at Sora's high-pitched groans he pressed his eyes shut and rolled his hips into Sora thigh one final time before his own orgasm crashed over him, the convulsions in his groin beyond his control.

Afterwards, Sora wrapped tight arms around his chest, bringing them as close together as physically possible, and buried his face into Riku's hair.

They were both sticky and sweaty, and they should really clean up the mess they'd made of the bed. Riku really couldn't be bothered to move though, especially not with the way Sora was clinging to him.

“That was…” Sora's voice broke as he tugged on Riku's shoulders, and Riku squeezed his arms tighter around Sora in response. Sora was so _small_ in his arms, but there was so much strength, so much _life_ inside of him that Riku's heart surged with it. “That was amazing, Riku…”

“I love you,” Riku whispered into Sora's neck. “I love you so, so much…”

Sora sighed deeply, and Riku wanted to _see_ him, but he also didn't want to move from where he had his face pressed into Sora's neck.

“I'm…” Sora's breath hitched as the fingers of one of his hands slid into Riku's hair. “I'm so _happy_.”

And that engulfed Riku's entire chest in so much warmth that his heart almost burst with it.

  
  
  
  


The next day after work, Riku stopped by the drugstore again. He wandered the aisles, pretending to be looking for regular (non-sex) things, but his mind kept pulling him in the direction of the shelves he had actually come for.

With a quick look around to make sure no one else was watching, he made his way over to the items he'd been so fascinated by yesterday.

He stared at all the different options again and let out a deep sigh.

He scanned the prices with his eyes. If he got the most expensive lube, that would probably be good, right? And the most expensive box was blue, the kind of blue that reminded him of Sora's eyes, so that was maybe a sign, too? 

He reached out a hand and snatched a box from the shelf.

Then there was the matter of condoms on the shelf below. He was definitely not getting any of the flavoured ones, that was just stupid. But next to those, there was a black box of condoms for 'extra pleasure' that caught his eye. There was a little rainbow on the front of the package. And extra pleasure sounded…good, too, right?

He guessed that settled it.

After another quick look around, he grabbed one of the condoms boxes as well.

Now there was just the matter of _paying_. 

People bought this stuff all the time, he told himself. It wasn't _weird_, it was normal. He was being responsible and preparing for something that a lot of other 18-year-olds had already done. With the two boxes in his hand, he made his way over to the cashier.

He refused to meet her eye, but she gave him a very normal “Hello” and didn’t make a single remark about what he was buying. She just scanned the items and told him that would be eighty munny, please.

Riku fumbled with his card, getting the swipe right only on the third try, and he was sure his entire face and neck must be bright red by now.

He didn’t even dare to reply to her cheerful “Have a good day!” as she handed him his bag with the items because he didn’t trust his voice not to come out all squeaky.

He all but ran from the store.

It wasn't until he'd walked the entire way back to his boat that Riku allowed himself a little grin. The plastic bag with the boxes was in his backpack, and no one could tell what he'd done — apart from the drug store cashier, and she would _probably_ not tell on him, he didn't even know her name. 

He felt weirdly proud.

After getting home, he softly padded upstairs after making sure Sora was occupied in the backyard, and he put the plastic bag with its contents in the bottom drawer of the nightstand. He didn’t want to tell Sora yet what he'd done. Not that it was a _secret_, not really (also, he’d placed them somewhere Sora could find them, which was a little thrilling as well) it was more that he just needed to get used to the idea a little more. 

This was for _him_ now. It would be for Sora, too, but later. 

For now, just the idea of having whatever they needed to…go all the way was a lot. He didn't think he was ready to share that yet.

  
  
  
  


Every day, Riku lived in the anticipation of Sora finding out what he'd done and bringing it up, but two weeks passed without that fated conversation from happening. Two weeks during which Riku at first felt a weird sort of anxiety when even _looking_ at the nightstand, then became sort of ambivalent about it, before finally eyeing it with a mix of satisfaction and nervousness.

And still, Sora didn't bring up the topic of sex again. Which made sense. Sora had made the first move by raising the subject, and Riku said he wanted to think about it.

Sora had always been good at giving him space.

But now he _had_ thought about it, and he had bought what they would need, and he felt…if not ready, then definitely _prepared_. Now the only thing that was left was just to figure out the right moment to bring it up again.

That moment came sooner than he'd anticipated.

That night in bed, they were lying next to each other on their backs, shoulders brushing, and Sora was stroking his fingers up and down Riku's lower arm. Riku was shivering a little, but it was a nice kind of shiver, the one that sent just the barest hint of electricity down his spine.

He'd learned to _feel_ it somehow, every time Sora wanted more. It sparked something between them, Sora's desire made tangible with a sort of rush inside of him that reminded Riku of casting magic spells. Did he feel it because of the dream eater link? Or just because Sora was his boyfriend?

Warmth slowly spread across his chest, and something stirred deep inside of him. It made him feel jittery, and he was hit with a sudden urge to stretch. All while Sora wasn't even _doing_ anything, he was just touching the inside of Riku's _wrist_.

“I bought condoms,” Riku suddenly blurted out. 

The resulting silence rang in his ears like the few seconds between lightning and thunder. When you knew there was going to be a response, you just didn't know _when_ exactly. Riku was afraid to turn his head to look at Sora, staring instead at the dark specks on the ceiling, visible even in the dim light of the moon and the stars. They should really get around to repainting the ceiling someday. 

He felt Sora move, and suddenly Sora's face obscured the specks. Riku blinked a few times to bring his vision back into focus.

“And lube, too,” Riku added quietly because that was important, too, and he might as well confess to everything now, get it all out in the open.

“Really?” Sora's mouth fell open in a little o, which made Riku involuntarily reach up to touch his lips because Sora looked really cute like this. Then Sora shifted so he was straddling Riku's thighs, and his eyes were comically wide when he looked down at Riku. “When?”

“Two weeks ago.” Riku grinned. One of the things he enjoyed most was surprising Sora with something. They knew each other too well, so it didn't happen often. But Sora's face would always go slack, his eyes almost literally showing hearts, just like now. 

Riku brought a hand to his cheek, trying to convey with his eyes what he couldn't say out loud.

In response, Sora surged forwards, one hand on Riku's upper arm to steady himself, diving headfirst into a kiss. Their mouths came together, and Sora didn't waste any time, opening his mouth to slide his tongue against Riku’s lips immediately. Riku gasped — in surprise, in delight. That gave Sora the opportunity to touch the tips of their tongues together, a little more gentle now, because Sora had apparently found his patience again.

Someone moaned. It might've been him, Riku realised, but conscious thought was rapidly leaving him with the way Sora was languidly licking into his mouth, wet and hot and perfect, and it was pure instinct by now that made him push his tongue back against Sora's.

Sora's other hand went to the back of his neck to tilt his head just slightly, and that deepened the kiss even more. It also made Riku realise that for all the times they'd kissed… This was the hottest, most feverish one so far. 

Then every other rational thought left Riku as Sora pulled back just a little, tugging on Riku's bottom lip with his teeth, and Riku moaned again, arching his back to press them closer together. Sora chuckled softly, deeply, then brushed a thumb across Riku's jaw, the touch leaving a trail of fire across his skin. Their bodies and mouths moulded together, and something white-hot built inside him.

He wanted this, he suddenly knew beyond a doubt. He _wanted_ to do this with Sora.

Sora trailed kisses down his neck, nipping, sucking just above his shirt collar, and Riku made little noises at every sweep of Sora's tongue, every scrape of his teeth. He tangled his fingers in Sora's hair, tugging slightly. Then Sora sucked on a spot that made him see stars, and he felt that white-hot light surge all the way to his toes, but especially…_there_.

“Sora,” he panted, tugging a little harder. “_Sora_.”

Sora grinned against his skin, and _oh_, something wild rippled inside his stomach, and involuntarily he bucked his hips. Sora groaned at that, which filled Riku with delight. Sora was hard, too, he could feel it. This shouldn't have been a surprise, and it _wasn't_, really, but it was different this time with the ideas that were now flying through his head.

Both of them, naked, and Sora… Sora…

But what should he say to get them from here to there?

Even Sora's name was difficult to get out right now, he couldn’t begin to voice any of his thoughts like this… 

“Stop,” he gasped.

Immediately, Sora pulled back. “Are you okay?”

Riku was breathing too hard to answer, so he nodded, bringing both hands around to cup Sora's jaw, trying to get him to look a little less scared.

“I need…” he tried, panting. “I need to think…”

“Okay,” Sora said softly, trying for a smile that barely reached his eyes.

“No,” Riku said, because he didn’t want Sora to think this was in any way because of something _he_ had done. “I need to say… I want to…”

He paused, inhaling deeply, a shuddery breath that made his head spin. 

“Iwanttodoit,” he said, the words rushing out in one quick exhale.

There was a beat as Sora blinked, trying to process what Riku just told him, and Riku watched in fascination as the emotions flickered across Sora's face. A slow shift from fear to confusion before settling on Sora's trademark sunlight smile that lit up the entire shadowy room.

“Really?” Sora asked, his eyes wide and shining, and even in the dimness of the room, they were so, so _blue_.

“Yes,” Riku brushed his thumbs across Sora's cheeks, revelling in the heat of his blush, the delicate and soft skin across his cheekbones.

“Are you sure?” Sora said in a low voice, almost a whisper.

“Yes,” Riku said again.

“But like,” Sora said, a pleased smile on his face, leaning down a little so there was only an inch between their faces. “Really sure?”

“I am really sure.” There was a hurricane inside of him, but it was okay, it felt _nice_, and yeah. He was sure.

“Really, really sure?” Sora's smile turned into a grin.

Riku rolled his eyes and sighed in mock-exasperation. “Yes, Sora, I'm really, really sure.”

“Okay.” Sora’s voice broke as he blinked too fast, and suddenly there were hot, wet tears on Riku’s fingers. “Okay.”

“Sora…”

Sora’s entire body went limp as he collapsed against Riku, trembling a little as he pressed his face into Riku's chest. Riku’s arms slipped around his shoulders, just holding him in a tight embrace for long moments. It was…comforting, that Sora was just as affected by this as he was. They could figure it out together. That would be nice. 

When gradually, both of their breathing and heart rates had calmed down, Sora began to squirm a little against him. Then he pulled back abruptly. 

“Can I see?” Sora wiped a hand at his eyes, but his eyes sparkled as he let out a little laugh.

Riku nodded. He reached for the lower drawer of the nightstand and took out the plastic bag from the drugstore. Shifting, he pushed himself up to a sitting position in the middle of the bed, the covers bunched around them. Sora slid off his lap and sat next to him, their shoulders and thighs touching — warm, warm skin — and his nerves soared high again.

Sora let out a little giggle as he shook the lube and condoms out of the bag. “I can't believe you bought these.”

Riku snorted a little. “It was hard.”

Sora giggled again. “Hard, hehe.”

Riku nudged his shoulder against Sora's, but he let out a little snicker himself. He reached for the lube, opening the blue box to take out the little bottle. He glanced sideways to find Sora staring at him intently.

“Are you—”

“I'm sure,” Riku said again, even though his heart was hammering really loudly, and his mouth was suddenly so dry it was hard to speak.

Sora leaned in for another kiss, and Riku met him halfway, the lube clutched in his right hand, his left coming up to slide into Sora's hair.

Riku realised suddenly that he'd never been completely naked with Sora. Not since they were kids. Maybe that was weird, when he thought about it. They had seen each other shirtless plenty of times while swimming or working outside in the summer heat, but he'd never before taken off his clothes for something _intimate_. 

But Riku wanted to be naked for this, he was pretty sure. And — he realised with an excited little shudder — they probably would _have_ to be naked for this.

Sora's hands slipped underneath his shirt, brushing up his sides, lifting up the fabric a little. Then he pulled back, and there was an obvious question on his face. Riku lifted his arms in a silent answer, so Sora could tug the shirt over his head. It was quickly discarded onto the floor, but when Sora leaned in to kiss him again, Riku stopped him with a hand against his chest.

“You too…”

Sora smiled and nodded. “Okay.”

Sora started to pull his own shirt over his head, and Riku watched with bated breath as Sora's shirt ended up on the floor next to his own with a quiet rustle. For a long moment, Riku was afraid to look down, and they just stared at each other, their uneven breathing the only sound cutting the silence in the darkened room.

Then Sora's gaze flicked down to Riku's chest, and that made Riku drop his eyes as well. He'd seen Sora's naked chest before, slim and lithe like the rest of him, but it had never made him feel like _this_. Suddenly, he wanted to reach out and touch Sora, feel the warm cinnamon skin underneath his fingertips. 

Sora would probably like that too, he mused.

But before he could gather the courage, Sora shifted again, this time to lean in — very, very slowly — and Riku had time to close his eyes before they kissed again. It was so soft it almost brought him to tears, just their lips sliding together. Sora's lips were swollen from kissing, plush and very, very warm against him. 

Sora pushed a little until Riku was on his back again, his head hitting the pillow as Sora moved to straddle his hips.

Riku's arms had fallen to the mattress, and Sora was still sort of hovering, kissing him again, wet brush of tongues, but not really _touching_ him yet. And suddenly he wanted to feel what it would be like to kiss when they were pressed skin to skin. It would probably feel really nice, so he arched up at the same time he slid his arms around Sora's chest, and _ooooohhh_, he was right. It felt really, really nice.

Sora sank into him, and the skin between them was a little sweaty but mostly warm, catching a little when Sora shivered. Everything _tingled_, and he could feel Sora hard against his stomach through the layer of shorts. Vaguely, he wondered what it would feel like to be together _completely_ naked, and he realised suddenly that he wanted that.

“Sora,” he whispered against his lips. “We need to… I want to…”

“Yes?” Sora asked, but he didn't stop kissing him, lips grazing a path of feathery caresses down his neck, then his chest, a lick across his nipple, and that sent a pleasant spark through him— 

Riku forgot what he was going to say.

Sora's hands went to his sides, holding him still, because Riku suddenly realised he was rotating his hips up, desperate for more friction, the pressure in his gut almost too much.

Then Sora slid his hands down, to the waistband of his shorts and underwear, and everything inside Riku came to a grinding halt.

Sora looked up as Riku looked down, and their eyes met.

Everything was overwhelming. The shivers, the goosebumps on his arms, the feeling of Sora's back muscles rippling under his hands, the tingle across his skin, in his groin…

But beyond all of that, he trusted Sora to do what was right. 

He nodded.

Slowly, inch by tantalising inch, Sora pulled down his shorts and underwear in one fluid motion, and it was all Riku could do to just keep breathing and force himself not to tense up. With a final tug, the clothes were off and ended up somewhere. Riku didn't really care. Sora moved up to kiss him again, gently, almost a silent question — _Is this okay? Are you okay?_

“Sora,” he whispered. “_Please…_”

He wasn't really sure what he was asking for, but Sora leaned back anyway, quickly slipping out of his own shorts and boxers. Riku inhaled sharply, letting his eyes roam from Sora's shoulders to his chest again, then down to where Sora was definitely, really just as turned on by this as Riku was.

That sparked a new kind of desire inside of him as the rest of the world suddenly faded away, like being underwater in a sun-warmed ocean, and Riku never wanted to come up for air again. It was just him and Sora, the lukewarm spring air in the bedroom, the mattress soft and squishy below him, and the excitement running hot through his stomach. 

When Sora reached out to touch him again, something inside Riku softened and unwound.

“Let me?” Sora whispered, rough and deep, a voice Riku had never heard before.

He nodded.

Sora shifted again, this time to bend down his head to Riku's stomach, kissing and nipping gently at the soft skin above his navel. Riku's hands curled into the sheet below him, and he _wanted_— There was so much _need_ inside of him.

The last bit of tension strung tight inside of him dissolved with every press of Sora's hands against his waist, every brush of his lips.

Sora continued to kiss downwards, wrapping one hand around him, and Riku realised what he was going to do a split second before he did it.

It was just the tip that Sora took in his mouth, but it was wet and slick, and so, so warm, and Riku tugged on the sheets to distract himself because just _this_ almost tipped him over the edge, he could feel it building inside of him _way_ too fast.

Sora pressed his other hand into Riku's stomach, and Riku gasped at the sensation that caused. It was probably meant to stop him for jerking up his hips, he realised absentmindedly, but yeah, that was really beyond him now. He was shaking, and try as he might, he couldn't stop his back from arching and his hips from lifting.

Then Sora _moaned_ and _ohgodyes_, he was _right_ on the edge, nothing had _ever_ felt this amazing. Sora’s tongue swirled around the head, then pressed flat against the underside as he sucked and moaned again. Without further warning, Riku's orgasm crashed over him, sweeping him away in its intensity, everything fiercely white and hot and cold all at once.

He threw his head back, arching his back as his every muscle tensed and quivered, his hips shivering as he moaned, Sora's name a needy sound between them. Sora's fingers lightly stroked him through it — and oh god, Riku could _feel_ him swallowing — and that sensation made the spasms rippling through him even more forceful.

When it was over, he uncurled his fingers from the sheets one by one and reached out, and Sora pulled off and went to him, grinning softly, fondly. Riku whimpered a little, but he was too far gone to care about how he sounded right now, he just wanted Sora _closer_, and Sora crawled up his body so they could look into each other's eyes.

Riku felt trembly, as if his blood sugar had suddenly dropped too low, and it was only Sora's warm, solid weight on top of him that slowly brought him back into himself.

“Was that…” Sora started, then trailed off.

“That was amazing,” Riku breathed, his voice shot, but everything inside him relaxed and sated.

He completely understood now why people did this sex thing all the time. 

At those words, Sora smirked and _kissed_ him, kissed him while his mouth had just been _on him_, and it tasted…bittersweet and slightly salty, and it was a little _weird_. But also, it was _Sora_ underneath that, which wasn't that weird, it was just nice, and kissing Sora was _always_ nice, so it didn't really matter in the end.

Sora pulled back, and for long moments they stared at each other, Sora’s breath erratic, Riku fighting his way out of a post-orgasm haze. He could feel Sora still hard against his stomach, and he felt a familiar spark in his gut again. 

He nodded once more.

Sora grabbed the lube from between the folds of the sheets where it had been abandoned earlier. The look on his face was one of curiosity and hesitance, and Riku reached out to brush his fingers across Sora's jaw to give him courage.

With a loud click, Sora opened the cap of the bottle, and he bit his lip as he squeezed out a generous amount of lube onto his fingers.

Riku suddenly thought back to what the book had said, how preparation was important or it would be painful, and the budding desire inside of him was suddenly laced with just a little bit of anxiety. What if it _would_ hurt? 

He let his hands fall to the sheets, trying to stop himself from trembling.

But before his thoughts spiralled out of control, Sora brought a hand down to brush against his opening, and Riku tensed for just a second because it was _cold_. But then Sora started to just gently rub back and forth and that felt…_nice_. 

He _trusted_ Sora, he knew he could say stop at any time. 

Just as that thought made him relax, he felt Sora press a fingertip inside of him, which made him clench again on instinct. Sora stilled, raising his gaze so they could look at each other. Riku fought to keep his eyes open because he wanted to _see_ Sora, the look of concentration on his face.

“Tell me,” Sora muttered. “If it's too much.”

“I will,” Riku responded. “Keep going.”

Then Sora moved his finger around, just a little at first, and it felt…_weird_. It burned, but in a good way. Sora pressed just a little deeper, and there was no pain at all, so Riku forced himself to unclench. He knew how this would go, they'd both read this part of the book at least a dozen times. One, two, three fingers, until he felt ready.

Sora pulled back out, applied more lube, then pressed in again with two fingers, at the same time pressing his thumb down against a spot behind Riku's balls that made him throw his head back as a renewed spark of pleasure coursed through him.

“Sora!”

He twisted against the sheets and felt himself growing hard again, the burn inside where Sora was touching him spreading all over his groin as Sora pressed deeper, scissoring. Then Sora brushed against his insides, little motions, crooked fingers. It felt _good_, there was no other word for it. Despite the burn, despite the little sliver of worry, his body just _reacted_.

He was all for Sora, he suddenly thought. His body was _made_ for Sora.

“Ready for one more?” Sora asked.

“Yeah,” he croaked out.

Everything was slippery with lube now, but the wet slide of Sora's fingers against him, the cold lube turned warm because of their body heat, felt amazing. He felt Sora press in again, but this time he couldn't keep his eyes open. He felt so _full_, it was so _much_, as Sora gently slid three fingers in and out. The slick sounds as Sora spread him open mingled with their rough breathing, and Riku felt flushed all over. He spread his legs a bit wider, trying to lessen the stretch inside of him a little. There was another press, he felt his toes curling, and then Sora found _that spot_ inside him.

He knew what it was — his _prostate_, they read about it in the book. But reading “many guys find pressure against the prostate gland feels great, and some guys orgasm just from stimulating the prostate”, and actually experiencing it turned out to be two _completely_ different things.

Riku moaned and pressed his hips down, eager for _more_ as the burn inside of him melted into hot pleasure.

“Ah, Riku,” Sora moaned, his breath coming faster and faster. “God, you feel so good…”

Sora brought a second hand to Riku's cock, just a few gentle languid strokes, and Riku felt the last of his fear melt away as everything inside him just turned to liquified pleasure. Sora leaned down to kiss his stomach just once, and Riku sighed deeply.

“Ready?” Sora breathed, the air hot against his skin.

“Yeah,” he gasped. “Yeah, Sora, _please_.”

Sora pulled his fingers out with a wet _squelch_, and Riku laughed a little at the sound, despite the situation. Then Sora laughed as well, and before they knew it, they were just grinning at each other like idiots, both of them hiccuping a little.

“We're really doing this,” Sora said, his voice shaky through his grin.

“Yeah…” Riku murmured, and he shuddered with a hot wave of _need_.

Sora reached for the package of condoms, but while he managed to open the box with his slick fingers, he couldn't rip open the plastic around the condom itself, so Riku reached out to take it from him. He tore open the wrapper, and he didn't even feel embarrassed about this anymore. They'd done too much by this point to feel embarrassed about opening a condom wrapper. He handed the condom to Sora, who rolled it down over himself with a hiss.

Riku reached for the lube again, carefully slicking his fingers with it, then wrapping them around Sora's cock, and Sora's hips jerked as he whimpered.

“Riku, ohhhh.”

“How…” Riku pulled his hand back, opening his legs for Sora to lie between them. He drew up his legs to give Sora more space, and while that worked, it was also a little uncomfortable, but— 

“Wait,” Sora said, reaching for the second pillow on the bed. “This might help.”

They shifted, and Sora slid the pillow underneath Riku's hips. This time, when Riku drew up his legs, Sora leaned in, keeping them there with his body, and that was better.

Riku reached up to wrap his arms around Sora again, he wanted to _feel_ him, he needed Sora _closer_, as close as possible. He never wanted to let him go. Sora leaned down to kiss him deeply, and Riku kept his eyes open because he was afraid if he closed them he would float away, and he wanted to be present for this.

“Okay?” Sora whispered against him, their foreheads pressed together.

It made him feel warm all over that even _now_, when Sora had to be aching for his own release, he checked in to make sure Riku still wanted this…

“Yes,” he said.

Sora moved a little, pulling back minutely. He placed his left hand against Riku's thigh to steady himself and used the other to guide himself to Riku's entrance. Then he let go with his right to bring that hand to Riku's cheek, and Riku kept his eyes open as Sora slowly, slowly pushed inside.

Sora's eyes were so dark — almost black — as Riku looked at him, feeling tender all over when Sora's forehead scrunched up in concentration. The intensity on his face was mesmerising, and Riku lost himself in the sight. Sora slid in slowly, and Riku could only imagine how much he was holding himself back. He felt the tremors in Sora's thighs, his arms, his hands, as he nudged forward inch by inch.

The stretch hurt a little, but it was a good burn, and Riku breathed through it, forcing himself to relax. He knew it would feel better if he stayed relaxed.

Then, with a final push, Sora was all the way in, and it felt… Riku didn't know how to describe what it felt like. Raw and full and stretched, vulnerable beyond words, but he could feel so much of Sora, and that was…more than he had ever wanted, more than he had ever thought about.

Sora stilled, their hips slotted fully together. They were both panting, Riku's heart hammering in his chest, Sora staring at him with so much intense heat and focus… Riku tugged him down because he needed to kiss him again, reaching one hand up to tangle into Sora's hair as the kiss deepened. 

And still, Sora wasn't moving. Riku let his head fall back on the pillow, and Sora searched his face for long moments, checking for any sign of hesitancy or discomfort. Riku sighed and relaxed as much as he could.

“Move, please,” he whispered.

Sora didn't need to be told twice. He pulled out a little, and Riku's breath caught in his throat as Sora thrust back in. It was slow at first, Sora getting used to the movements he needed to make, but that was good. It gave Riku time to adjust and to watch Sora virtually glowing above him, a panting mess of flushed cheeks, narrowed eyes and wild hair.

Riku's thighs were trembling with the effort of keeping them there, so he wrapped his legs around Sora's waist instead before thrusting his own hips up experimentally— 

And cried out as the shift in angle made Sora thrust against that spot inside of him, and _oh god_, suddenly his entire body was all heat. His heart was racing and his skin felt tingly like a live wire, and he didn't know how to react to any of this. So he let himself go, let his body react for him with a spasm, every muscle tensing, gasping for air, moaning. 

“Sora, ah_, god, Sora…”_

Sora thrust again, a little faster now, and Riku drove his hips up in time, everything between them heat and slick with lube and sweat and semen. And even though Riku had already come, the feeling of this, his cock trapped between their stomachs, Sora hot and hard inside of him…it was all he could do to hold out.

He let out a groan, and it sounded unlike any noise he'd ever made before, all high-pitched and needy.

At the sound, he felt Sora twitch inside of him, and he writhed, his back arching off the bed, bringing them closer together still. And at the second twitch, a delicious throb ignited in his stomach and between his legs, so he made the sound again.

“God, _Riku_,” Sora panted, and he shifted forward, his thrusts now coming even faster. “You feel so _good_.”

The angle was really, really right like this, and Riku couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe anymore. He jerked his head back, and Sora kissed the side of his neck, moaning against his skin, and suddenly it was a very fast slide to the point of no return.

“Sora, I’m—” he gasped, arching up beneath him, meeting Sora's thrust with his own desperate movements. “I’m so _close_.”

Riku could feel his whole body tightening, his moans and whimpers growing higher in pitch, and Sora slid his hand between them. Riku pressed his eyes shut, and it took just one stroke before he was gone, his muscles contracting and releasing in deep waves. His back arched, his head thrown back, and his body so tense he feared he might snap as pulse after pulse of his hot release spurted between them. 

Sora kept thrusting through it, every convulsion seemingly pulling him in deeper, and he was making noises Riku had never heard before, murmuring how good it felt, how hot and tight Riku was.

When Riku finally collapsed against the bed, completely spent, Sora stilled his hips against him with a final thrust, and Riku somehow found the strength to tug him closer, wanting to feel _all_ of him. Like this, he could feel Sora's orgasm in a way he'd never felt it before, every twitch as Sora shuddered through it, every wave of his pleasure. 

It was _beyond_ amazing.

Afterwards, Sora crumpled on top of him, and they tangled together in a heap of sticky, sweaty limbs and sheets. Sora was still inside him, and Riku could feel him twitch again, felt it when Sora shifted just a little with an aftershock, and that felt almost more intimate than the actual sex they'd just had.

Riku smiled. He felt dazed and sated in the very best way. After a few minutes, Sora slowly pulled out of him, and he heard the snap and then the rustle of Sora taking off the condom and wrapping it in a tissue. When Riku finally managed to open his eyes, he found Sora already smiling at him, soft and fond. That made Riku's chest engulf in so much warmth that he didn't know what to do with it.

So he just tugged Sora closer and rolled them onto their sides to fit them together perfectly.

“I love you,” Riku whispered brokenly. “So much.”

Sora kissed him, a slow and gentle caress, one hand in his hair, the other soothing up and down each vertebra of his spine. With a leg hooked around Riku's, Sora pulled himself closer so they were pressed together everywhere again, wet and sticky. Riku carded his hand through Sora's sweaty bangs as Sora buried his face in Riku's chest, his lips warm and moist against Riku's collarbone.

“I love you too, Riku,” Sora hiccuped, and Riku felt a tremor go through him. “_Thank you_.”

“No,” Riku whispered, tugging lightly on Sora's hair so they could look at each other, one hand going to Sora's cheek. “Thank _you_, for giving me this. I didn't know…”

Tears welled up in Sora's eyes as he shook his head. “I'm so proud of you.”

And those words, combined with Sora's quivering mouth and the unguarded emotions on his face, made Riku's own eyes burn as well. He kissed Sora again to distract himself, but the tears still came, sticking to his lashes when he closed his eyes, and _great_, now they were _both_ crying. But at the same time, Sora was smiling against his lips, and Riku brushed his thumb over the soft swell of Sora's cheek, so maybe it was okay. They were happy tears.

Both of them broke apart a mere inch, just breathing against each other as Riku gently stroked away the wetness on Sora's cheeks.

Sora trailed his hand through Riku's hair, fingers moving in slow circles. “What…what was it like for you?”

Riku closed his eyes, trembling a little. He slid his hand from Sora's cheek into his hair, down across his neck, between his shoulder blades, then over the bumps of his spine. He enjoyed feeling Sora's shiver as he settled his hand in the dip of Sora's spine, feeling just a tiny bit of tension there.

“I…” he started. He kept his eyes closed, trying to find the right words. “It was so much more than I thought it would be. I felt…so much. I liked it. A lot.”

Sora exhaled shakily against him, a hot puff of air against Riku's cheek, and Riku felt some of the tension leave Sora's spine. “I'm so glad.”

“What was it like for you?”

“It was really, really good,” Sora said wholeheartedly, and Riku opened his eyes.

Sora was looking at him dreamily, his eyes wet and clouded over. He tipped his head forward, hair falling across his eyes as he pressed their foreheads together. Riku felt him shiver again.

And now that he thought about it, the sweat on their bodies was beginning to cool, and the stickiness against his stomach was now beginning to dry and itch, which was getting a little uncomfortable.

“We should clean up.” But when Riku tried to move to get up, his entire body protested, but his lower half most of all. “_Oh_.”

“What's wrong?” Sora asked immediately, eyes wide in concern.

“I'm…” Riku collapsed back into the bed, groaning softly. “Sore.”

“Oh. Yeah…” Sora laughed softly, giddily, and pressed a brief kiss to Riku's cheek. “I'll go get a washcloth.”

Sora rolled out of his embrace and out of the bed, and immediately Riku felt cold, regretting letting Sora go, even for this. He curled into himself, wrapping his arms around his chest until Sora came back and pushed gently at his shoulder.

“Lie back.”

Sora cleaned him up with soft, intimate brushes of the warm wet washcloth over his chest, stomach, between his thighs, until Riku felt marginally better though still cold. He reached out a hand to point to his discarded t-shirt, and Sora chuckled before wordlessly handing him his clothes back and tossing the washcloth in the hamper.

After slipping on his own shorts and shirt as well, Sora pulled the covers over Riku, then slipped in beside him. Sora pressed closer immediately, fitting perfectly underneath Riku's chin as always, and they let out matching sighs.

It was…the same, yet different, this post-orgasm, before-sleep cuddle. It was more tender, intimate now they had shared this big secret together that no one else would ever know about. Riku liked it. Sora mumbled happily into his chest, words that Riku barely caught. But he understood the sentiment regardless.

“I love you,” he whispered against Sora’s hair.

“I’m so happy, Riku,” Sora murmured back sleepily, tightening his arms around Riku’s waist for a moment, clutching at the fabric of his shirt before his body went slack with sleep.

And Riku drifted off with those words echoing in his head, Sora's body warm and comforting in his arms, the even rise and fall of his chest against his.

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me about Sora and Riku on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/fortheloveinyou) :)


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